I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
