So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
