k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
