Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Watching her eat just hurts me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize