Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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