i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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