I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
