This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
