They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
