my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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