Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize