conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
