Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
