Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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