Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
