the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
love makes seman taste better
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
