i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
