Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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