oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
