She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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