I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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