After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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