I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
