i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
