I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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