There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
