WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
