i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
