When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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