You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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