I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
