he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
