A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
