SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
