if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize