One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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