He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
