I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
