Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
