Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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