I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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