1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
