and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
