Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
