i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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