and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
