just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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