I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
