I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
