swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
