if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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