i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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