put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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