Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
