Too much gin, very little bucket
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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