I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
