Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
