i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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