He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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