did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
