the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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