neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
