did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
