I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
